For my comments on Jenny Sanford’s interview in the September 2009 issue of Vogue magazine, click here
or visit my page at Examiner.com
http://www.examiner.com/x-17416-NY-Infidelity-Examiner
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The Sanford Affair – an Infidelity Expert’s Observations
As an infidelity expert frequently called on by the media to comment popular infidelity issues and infidelity breaking news, I’d like to share some observations on South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford’s Affair:
The Danger Of Opposite Sex Friendships
Sanford’s affair highlights the danger of opposite sex friendships, and how they can undermine a marriage if they turn into emotional affairs. Most people underestimate the danger of close friendships with members of the opposite sex, because they start out innocently, and in the early stages, no sex involved.
Very often, the person involved in a friendship of this type does not realize how much of a threat it can be to his or her marriage or relationship.
If the situation is not put into check, the bonds formed in a friendship like this will become stronger and stronger until they progress to emotional infidelity, which is the precursor to sexual infidelity.
If cultivated and nurtured over a period of weeks, months and years, an innocent friendship between close friends of the opposite sex can escalate into an extramarital affair. This is exactly what happened between Mark Sanford and his Argentinean mistress Maria Belen Chapur.
For more information on how insidious emotional infidelity can be, click here, or visit http://infidelityadvice.blogspot.com/2009/04/emotional-infidelity-can-lead-to-sexual.html
Today’s opposite sex friendship can quickly become tomorrow’s extramarital affair. Friendships with members of the opposite sex need to be monitored very closely, and checks and balances need to be put in place. Otherwise they can quickly cross the line.
Many have found the Emotional Infidelity Quiz and Tip Sheet very helpful in making sure that their (or their partner’s) opposite sex friendship is not in the danger zone. The tip sheet that accompanies the quiz suggests several checks and balances that can be put into place to keep an opposite sex friendship from becoming an emotional affair. For a free copy of the Emotional Infidelity Quiz and Tip Sheet, e-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with the words “Emotional –bSan” in the subject line.
The Difficulties a Cheating Politician’s Wife Faces in Making a Decision
Betrayed wives like Jenny Sanford are faced with the decision of trying to decide whether or not to give the cheating spouse a second chance. It’s not an easy decision to make. While the wives of many cheating politicians stay with their husbands, there are some wives who choose to leave. Dina McGreevey and Terry Mahoney come to mind.
For a discussion of some of the reasons cheating politician’s wives and other women choose to stay with a cheating mate, click here, or visit http://infidelityadvice.blogspot.com/2009/05/why-elizabeth-edwards-and-other-wives.html
For a discussion of what ordinary women do when their husbands cheat, click here, or visit http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com/2008/08/what-ordinary-women-do-when-their.html
Regardless of a betrayed wife’s final choice, many factors are taken into consideration before a final decision is made on the best course of action to take. First and foremost are the attitude of the cheater, and the circumstances of the affair.
If a wife who has been a victim of infidelity decides to stay with her husband, there are two major obstacles she will face, which are mentioned here.
http://freeinfidelitytipsheets.blogspot.com/2009/05/stay-with-cheater-or-leave-him-new-tip.html
The Go or Stay Tip Sheet points out some of the key factors a wife should consider when deciding whether to leave a cheating husband, or give him a second chance. It also covers the two biggest obstacles to taking a cheating spouse back, and offers suggestions on how these obstacles can be overcome. To request a FREE copy of the Go or Stay Tip Sheet, e-mail InfidelityAdvice@gmail.com with the words “Go or Stay-bSan” in the subject line.
Why Politicians Cheat
As usual, when a cheating politician makes the news, we ask ourselves the question: Why do politicians cheat?
Having done several interviews in the past two days addressing this question, I’d like to repeat that the reasons politicians cheat are as varied as the politicians themselves.
For a discussion of the 5 most common reasons politicians cheat, click here or visit
http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com/2009/06/5-reasons-why-politicians-cheat.html
For more on why politicians cheat and what their wives can do click here, or visit http://infidelitynewsandviews.blogspot.com/2008/03/cheating-politicians-why-politicians.html
It’s interesting to note that Gov. Sanford’s affair differs from that of the usual cheating politician. From the e-mail exchange between Sanford and his mistress, it’s obvious clear that this was no mere sexual fling. Sanford was clearly a man in love. This was a deep emotional bond that developed over a period of several years.
What it Will Take to Make the Sanford Marriage Work
Sanford’s wife, Jenny has expressed her willingness to forgive her husband, and I sincerely wish them both well. They have a long, arduous task ahead. An extramarital affair like Mark Sanford’s which involves a dual sexual / emotional bond is far more difficult to recover from than an affair based primarily on sex. It will require very strong commitment on both their parts. But both Sanfords seem determined to make their marriage work. Again, I wish them well.
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